Bachelor Recipe # 4: Salad

Get outta here! Bachelors and salad?

Yes and yes and let's get down to it.

First of all, raw vegetables generally taste better than the cooked version, barring a few exceptions. Try it. Eat a chunk of cabbage or a "flower" of cauliflower raw.

Nothing like boiled garbage, are they?

Secondly, and here's the killer, raw vegetables taste amazing with dressing. No, that doesn't mean you gotta put French Maid uniforms on the little blighters. It means you mix 'em up with a liquid that makes 'em taste amazing.

Thanks to Dalip Daswani, a fellow bachelor, here's a dressing that'll make any salad worthy of being a meal in itself:

First of all, you need a salad, so get as many green thingies as you can and cut them up into slices or chunks. Recommended: Cabbage, Cauliflower, Capsicum, Cucumber (of course!), Onion (of course! again), Lettuce, Beetroot (not green, but okay, let's not get technical.. okay?), Coriander.

Next, make the dressing. Ingredients:
Vinegar - 1 tablespoon
Honey - 1 teaspoon
Salt - a pinch
Pepper - a dash
Butter / cooking oil - half a teaspoon. Personally, I skip this ingredient because oil and honey in combo always give me terrible stomach cramps. So use with caution.

Put the dressing ingredients into a bowl and mix them up in total attack mode. That means you should appear to be wrestling with a pig to anyone who casually observes you. Why they should observe you, casually or deliberately, I leave to your personal magnetism.

Pour the dressing over the sliced / chunked vegetables. Mix thoroughly with a tablespoon or take the bachelor's shortcut and do the following:

• Dump everything into something with a lid and shut the lid
• Shake it all about
• Do the Boogie-Woogie

Now that we have dispensed with the silly jokes, taste the salad.

And say "thank you" to Dalip Daswani.

Deepak

Un-Marketing

Not a new term, of course, just a new interpretation.

Prove to me that you are interested in developing your voice and I'll give you a guaranteed, money-back way to develop your voice.

Gets you a beer from across the Pub, so it's quite useful.

Deepak

Another site you MUST NOT visit

DON'T go to Unusual Business Ideas That Work, unless you have a lot of time and a burnng desire to make money (oh darn! lost it after the "burning desire" bit).

I'm still staring agape at a housewife who's selling tumbleweed and someone who's using girls from 16 to 22 (watch out for local child labour laws) to give marketing advice to million dollar companies.

Look, I TOLD you not to go there. I can't help it if you're attracted to naked flames.

Deepak.
PS: Any flames that appear before me naked are fair game, husbands notwithstanding. You have been warned, flame.
DM

The Great Ant Tamasha

Well, it wasn't as raunchy as a real Tamasha, but it came pretty close.

What happened was, of a night, I'd notice that there were a rather sizable number of ants gathering under the gas stove (two burners on four legs, connected to the gas cylinder), frenetically doing whatever it is that ants do with eggs in their mouths.

So I asked the local chemist if there was something that would keep the ants away. I'm rather old-fashioned and believe that ants in my kitchen lead to disease. Even if they don't, they're yucky, so I don't want ants in my kitchen.

He gave me a powder. No, I mean a real powder, packed in several layers of plastic and a sheet of newspaper. Rs. 5/- (about 50 fils and not really relevant in US currency).

Naively believing that the powder would keep ants away, I sprinkled it where I'd seen the ants.

Within seconds, there were ants pouring out from GKW (God Knows Where), bearing eggs in their mandibles, scrambling to reach GKW (God Knows Where, again).

Some made it to the sink so that they could drown there.

Some climbed the walls (I thought I was the only one who did that, and only when I was mad enough to give up drinking), only to fall back upon the kitchen counter. Oh, did I forget to mention? The ants had been spotted on the kitchen counter and there had I sprinkled the powder.

Some climbed the window grille.

Ultimately, all died and formed a carpet of dead ant (any mention of Peter Sellers and I shall personally hunt you down) on my kitchen counter.

I vaccuumed the bodies but I can't bring myself to empty the bag. If I delay long enough, those eggs might hatch, inside the bag. *shudder*

Shall I throw the vaccuum cleaner into a dumpster?

Deepak

MERC VS MSEDCL - an unintentional comedy

The time – present. Place, Pune, India. On stage are MERC (Maharashtra Electricity Regulatory Council), impeccably dressed, perhaps smoking a pipe, and MSEDCL (Maharashtra Electricity Distribution Company Limited), fat, chewing tobacco and spitting it on any available wall. In the absence of a wall, a neighbouring shirt will do.

MERC: You are not permitted to switch off electricity on any day of the week

MSEDCL: Got you

(The lights go out.)

Voice of MERC: Oi! I said you can’t switch the lights off!

Voice of MSEDCL: I didn’t. (Faintly triumphant) The fuses blew

Voice of MERC: How many fuses?

Voice of MSEDCL: All of them

Voice of MERC: All? Across the state?

(The lights come on)

MERC: Ahhhhhh! (Fans himself)

(The lights go off)

Voice of MERC: Oi! You switched off the lights again! I specifically prohibited you!

Voice of MSEDCL: Like I care

Voice of MERC: I’ll sue you!

(The lights come on. MSEDCL is in a Romanesque setting, surrounded by nubile damsels and eating grapes. He consults the cards he’s holding)

MSEDCL: I’ll see your Sue and raise you an anna… (looks offstage) C’mere, Anna.

Deepak

Ps: If you don't get it, never mind.
SM

The hilariousest site on earth

Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT (capitalisation intended) visit zug.com unless you are prepared to spend hours reading the experiences of people who scam the e-mail scammers, are willing to undergo colonics just to report on the experience (warning: DO NOT click the photo links. Remember, I WARNED you), and generally push the envelope on anything and everything in the known universe.

Gosh, those guys have time on their hands!

Ok, don't email me for the next few years, I'm hooked on the articles.

Deepak