Lobsang and the Inspector*

* This is the opening scene of "The Patriarch", my second murder mystery.

Lobsang and the Inspector

(The tourist camp at Nubra Valley, near Leh. It is evening. The GUIDE is settling things, tending to the campfire (still unlit), etc. The side of a tent can be seen back, the start of a tent Stage R. Enter INSPECTOR)

INSPECTOR
Hello

GUIDE
Good Evening Sir!
(enthusiastically)
Welcome to Nubra Valley! (by rote) The Nubra Valley lies north of Leh and is accessible over the Khardung La, one of the highest motorable roads in the world. The Nubra Valley was on the caravan route from Leh to Kashgar via the Sasir and Karakoram passes

INSPECTOR
(bewlildered)
Why are you telling me all this?

GUIDE
Is being necessary. Tourist Department say all to be told about Nubra Valley when arriving. I be Lobsang. I be your guide

INSPECTOR
Oh, hello Lobsang, I’m –

GUIDE
Please to waiting
(takes out a sheet of paper, reads)
Is you being Mr. Murijmal Gurnani, male, 62 years of age?

INSPECTOR
What? No, I’m –

GUIDE
Please to waiting. Is you being, Lalkisen Gurnani, male, 32 years of age?

INSPECTOR
No, I’m –

GUIDE
Please to waiting. Is you being –

INSPECTOR
(Interrupting)
If you don’t stop that I’ll hang you upside down from that tent there

GUIDE
Please. Is being how Tourist Department say –

INSPECTOR
Hang the Tourist Department too! Won’t it be faster if I tell you who I am?
(GUIDE opens his mouth to speak, then looks at INSPECTOR and nods meekly)
Good. I’m Inspector Gurinder Bajwa

GUIDE
(Looks in the list)
Inspector Gurinder Bajwa, male, 134 years of age?

INSPECTOR
Are you a dimwit or something? I’m 34, not 134

GUIDE
Is being say 134 in list

INSPECTOR
Hang your list! Now where can I sit? My back is aching from that horse ride

GUIDE
Is being you want massage?

INSPECTOR
If you touch me I’ll tie you into a knot and make a Tibetan wind chime out of you. Now, where can I sit?

GUIDE
(Indicates the chairs)
You be sitting here. You seeing other tourists on road?

INSPECTOR
(Sitting down)
They’re on their way
(Stretches)
Oh man, that was some journey

(Enter Dr. PRIYA GUPTA. She is around 24)

PRIYA
Hello

GUIDE
Good Evening Madam!
(enthusiastically)
Welcome to Nubra Valley!
(by rote)
The Nubra Valley lies north of Leh and is accessible over the Khardung La, one of the highest motorable roads in the world. The Nubra Valley was on the caravan route from Leh to Kashgar via the Sasir and Karakoram passes

PRIYA
What?

GUIDE
Welcome to Nubra Valley! The Nubra Valley lies north of Leh –

INSPECTOR
Oh God!

GUIDE
(pressing on)
north of Leh and is accessible

INSPECTOR
Will you stop that?

GUIDE
(determinedly)
… is accessible over the Khardung La, one of the
(sees INSPECTOR rise and finishes at top speed)
one of the highest motorable roads in the world. The Nubra Valley was on the caravan route from Leh to Kashgar via the Sasir and Karakoram passes

PRIYA
Why are you telling me all this? It’s all there in the brochure!

GUIDE
Is being necessary. Tourist Department say so.
(Takes out his list again)
Is you being –

INSPECTOR
Oh God! Not again!
(Snatches the list from GUIDE and looks at it, then at PRIYA)
You must be Dr. Priya Gupta

PRIYA
That’s right

INSPECTOR
(Handing the list back to the GUIDE with his finger at one spot on the list)
Here it is. Dr. Priya Gupta. Got it?

GUIDE
But Tourist Department say –

INSPECTOR
I’m closer to you than the Tourist Department is right now

GUIDE
Okay
(to PRIYA)
Please to be sitting. I waiting for others and then taking all bags to tents

PRIYA
(sits on the other chair)
Whew!

INSPECTOR
Whew is right… I wonder where the Tourist Department manufactures them!

END