Day 22 of reverting to non-smoker status

It has been surprisingly easy to stay smoke-free.

One thing I've realised that the triggers I thought were operational in getting me to reach for a cigarette weren't the real triggers. Stress wasn't a trigger. A glass of beer wasn't one either. A spat with a loved one wasn't. All the messages I had been getting as to why I smoked were patently false.

The trigger for me, surprisingly, was boredom.

I'm not considering habit, which isn't a trigger at all. Habit doesn't create an urge to smoke, the hand just automatically reaches for a cigarette at certain intervals or in certain situations.

I was forced to sit in the dark for 3 hours with no TV and no Internet one night and that turned out to be the toughest night of all in keeping away from a smoke. The sheer boredom of having nothing to do (I quickly disposed of the two books I had been reading in parallel... I read VERY quickly) tempted me again and again to go buy a ciggie. Even so, it wasn't that bad. Just recalling the awful taste of that tentative puff after reverting to non-smoker status was enough to keep me from one every time the urge hit.

I may be onto something here.

Reverted to being a non-smoker

I've been a smoker (tobacco only) for almost 30 years. Been a heavy smoker for the last few (about the last 20... LOL).

Made many attempts to quit too. Sometimes to impress various females ("For you, I'd do anything"). Those were rare but it was a given that I'd be smoking while out of her sight. Sometimes to try and exert some kind of control over my life - "DO I OWN MY LIFE OR NOT?" my mind would scream and I'd quit. Only to start again at the next cigarette-lighting cue.

Something strange happened last Friday. Those of you who want to attribute it to being Good Friday are welcome to do so and to assign whatever significance they wish to THIS particular Good Friday. What happened was, I was reading Tony Robbins' book, where he describes how he stopped over-eating. If you want to know how he did it, buy his book, simply coz I can't explain. He's written the book well and simply handing you the formula won't work. You need to read the chapters that came before.

So I thought of quitting smoking - again. Then I thought, "Why not revert to being a non-smoker?" After all, I was a non-smoker for the first 16 years of my life.

So I picked up a ciggie as if it were the first ciggie I'd ever smoke. I smelled it, felt it in my fingers, etc.

Then I put it in my mouth, lit it and took a drag, taking care to TASTE the darned smoke.

It tastes AWFUL!

It had tasted awful the first time I had taken a drag at 16 too, really. But it was the cool thing to do and I did it and progressed from a stolen drag every now and then to a ciggie a day to nearly 40 a day.

So I decided to approach every ciggie I lit from then on as the first ciggie I would ever light.

The rationalisation started immediately; "You know you're going to start again, so why torture yourself?"

So I held off for a bit, then "gave in" and again, treated it as the first ciggie I'd ever light.

Awful. Stubbed it out after the first puff.

Tried again a few hours later, when the demons were going at me full swing.

Still tasted awful. Stubbed it out after the first puff.

I haven't smoked since Good Friday of 2009. Sure, it's early days yet. They say, "Once a smoker, always a smoker". That may happen. It's just that I think I've reverted to being a non-smoker.

I haven't even bothered to give in to the demons since Sunday. It tastes awful, so why bother? I've been through a very fretsome event last evening, sans a smoke. Usually, I'd be chain-smoking throughout, unable to taste the excellent wood-fired pizza at the end of the event.

No anxiety, no irritation, nothing.

I won't pretend that I feel fresher, or more energetic, or anything other than being Deepak. I'm just Deepak, the non-smoker, and that's fine by me.

Deepak