Me and Women's Roles

Okay, so I'm in the mood and I feel like talking, so I'll answer Neeta's question about me and women's roles.

I went to an all-boy's school, so there had to be someone bold enough to be a girl in the plays.The First Standard concert was a no-choice affair. The teachers made us learn the parts and the moves, then demanded we get our sisters' clothes and poured us into them, willy-nilly. Case closed.

The "Fairy Queen" role was a different matter. It was originally given to a rather effeminate boy - cruel of the teachers, but Political Correctness was not yet in vogue - and he was mercilessly teased by the rest of the boys. To be cast as a girl was the ultimate insult and occasion for innumerable fights. At the start of rehearsals, I had actually been cast as the Rat, bodyguard to the Fairy Queen. Sometime into rehearsals, the poor Fairy Queen just got tired of fighting and opted out. I don't know what made me volunteer, but I did. I distinctly remember raising my hand and saying, "Miss, I'll do it." Her kiss on my cheek sealed the deal (I think it was like a week before the show). Even then, I never backed down from a fight, although I was among the smallest of the boys in the class, and I credit my Fairy Queen role with the development of several self defence techniques that would have made Bruce Lee proud.

Here's a funny thing that happened on the night of the actual performance: In order to get onto the stage, which had been built up with benches and matting to resemble a mountain slope, I had to be lifted onto a bench offstage. A teacher lifted me and put me on the bench. Unfortunately, I was unaccustomed to dresses and didn't know enough to raise the hem before being set down. As a consequence, my feet set squarely upon the hem and I was unable to move. The teachers thought I had stage fright and kept exhorting me to "go! Don't be scared." I was desperately trying to tell them I wasn't scared, just stuck. Finally, I gathered the skirt in my hands, bent my knees, then jumped up, pulled the skirt up while I was still in the air and landed safely on the bench, with no skirt beneath my feet. Stepping onto stage and then taking the evening was no big deal.

"Charley's Aunt" was just another case (at least, initially) of no one else wanting the role. I recognised its potential, relished the challenge it offered - that of a teenager trying to pass himself off as an aged female - and jumped at it. If you want to know about the boobs, meet me in person :-)

Deepak

Anger Management

Irfat, one of the blessed who visit my blog, is concerned that I seem angry at everything recently.

So I just thought I'd put down some of my thoughts on anger.

I like anger. It makes me do things. For those in the know, Rhapsody Theatre was created as a result of anger. "Business Is War", the first one-act play I wrote and which has been performed in seven countries so far, was the result of that anger too.

True, I am angry at people's lack of interest in developing themselves, angry at the fact that they desire to be on stage, yet do nothing to acquire the skills to really "knock the audience dead." From this anger, I am sure, will come something new and better. For me and for everyone.

My anger at web gurus has already made me take action. And that action isn't something stupid like trying to attack them or get them to change the way they operate. Oh no. From the anger has sprung a new business opportunity. Details later.

But thank you, Irfat, for your concern. Worry not, Bloggy Howl shall always come back to entertaining. That's all I am, after all, entertainer.

Deepak

Web Gurus

I'm pissed off with them!

They spout all kinds of gobbledygook like SEO and RSS and GKW (Gawd Knows What) and they're making tons of money HIDING information from people!

And I'm pissed off with the people too. They're falling over each other to pay these charlatans so they can be the recipients of gobbledygook.

Gobbledygook rules! I'm off to create a new acronym now.

Deepak

What Pune Theatre Needs

Commitment.

I've said this over and over again and I'm fairly sure no one's listening.

Commitment, not just on the part of the director. Regardless of my dislike - bordering on hatred - of the weather and harried pace of Mumbai, I have to admit actors there have far higher levels of commitment than laid-back Puneites do.

"I Am Amuse" went well, in the sense, there were no glitches that weren't overcome. However, if the writers and actors had just extended themselves that tad bit more, there would have been magic. Don't get me wrong. The evening was a financial and theatrical success. The more than 190 people at the venue were delighted at the stories and the acting.

But, to me, that's not enough.

I saw no desire on the part of writers to polish their pieces. I saw no effort on the part of actors to polish their craft. I saw no desire to create magic.

Yes, that's harsh. But like Farah said in her comment on the previous post on "I Am Amuse," I care a hang who I rub the wrong way.

A well-presented evening is no substitute for a magical one. Can we commit to creating magic?

Deepak

Intelligent Design

The USA is in deep debate whether Intelligent Design should be taught in schools. The Vatican has chipped in and the whole thing has become such a mess, I could be accused of tackling the subject just to popularise this blog.

However, I'm the kinda guy who comments on things, so I'm going to piss off everyone and comment on it anyway.

For those not in the know, which, citizens of the USA, is probably 99% of the earth's population, Intelligent Design is a theory that evolution is simply a Higher Intelligence's way (capitalisation intended) of putting His (sexist nomenclature intended) plan into operation. In other words, we evolved, but that's because God made it so.

The Vatican is jumping because the theory goes against the Old Testament's dogma that the earth was created in six days, flora and fauna included. The rationalists are jumping because Intelligent Design, or ID, has no basis in fact and teaching it in schools may just be a way for Creationists (yes, there is indeed a body of people called so) to bring God into public education and thus justify their belief that those who believe in a Caucasian Jesus are far above the rest of the world, which is Asian and African.

Know what I think?

Both parties are wrong.

Intelligent Design is great as a personal belief. That's what it should remain. Why teach it in schools?

Intelligent Design is a theory. The coming years may either prove or disprove it, or leave it as belief. Why tie its tenability to its teachability? If a time comes when proponents of ID can conclusively prove that it is true, there's not a rationalist on earth who would have a logical base to oppose the teaching of it. Till that time comes (if it ever does), it remains a theory and those who believe in it are welcome to take the Missionary route and preach it at every opportunity, such opportunity not being the availability of classrooms from Principals sympathetic to the idea.

In other words, rationalists are wasting their time trying to disprove ID and proponents of ID are wasting everyone's time trying to teach it in schools. The way to keep ID out of schools (the best thing to do, in my opinion) is not to attempt to disprove it but to put the onus on the proponents to prove it and thus make it worthy of inclusion in a school syllabus.

Deepak

Business Idea #0002: Micropayments

In a sense, this is not a new idea, since Apple has already shown that it works. The idea is, offer a small bit of work for a ridiculously low fee. Apple does it with songs. You pay something like ten cents a song to download it. Ridiculously cheap, absolutely brilliant. Imagine a million people downloading your song at ten cents a pop. You make $100,000 less the site hosting and promotion fee, which is typically around 15%. So you wind up with $85,000.

Would you sneeze at that money?

So why not extend the model to others? Let's say you're a poet. Offer your poetry at 5 cents per download. At that price, it's easy to get a million, maybe more, people downloading it. Why would they forward it to others when they can just tell them to register and download whatever they want at 5 cents a pop? So you'd make approximately $42,500 for every poem you write. I say approximately because some poems will be downloaded less than others.

Perhaps Apple will iPod your poems.

Become a millionaire, 5 cents at a time.

Deepak

On stage again after two years!

On the 25th of November I shall be going back on stage after a gap of two years and I'm as excited as a little boy who's expecting a bicycle for Christmas.

I usually stay off the stage when I'm directing but the call is too strong for me to resist this time. We're staging a set of disparate scenes by different writers, segued into a single one-act play by running a dramatic thread through the whole thing that links each scene. I don't know of any other plays that have been written this way. It's certainly a first for Pune. It's called "I Am Amuse" (sic).

I play Mr. Deshpande, middle-aged and middle-class, who has a running dialogue with the MUSE, the two of them introducing each piece and thus linking them all into one cohesive play.

It's to be staged at "Soul", the Jazz Garden's new avatar.

Deepak

Okay Neeta, so you tagged me

Okay, so Neeta tagged me with this and I have to tell you 20 random things about me.
Truth is, everything about me is random. No one knows what I'm going to do next, not even I. But anyway, here's the list of 20 random things about me:

1. I've won more prizes at debating and elocution competitions than I can count. My style was to lull the competition into a sense of security by appearing to be insignificant and then zapping the judges with my voice.
2. I once forgot my mum's name. I was about ten, engrossed in a book and when a stranger came to the door asking for Mrs. Morris, I looked up and said irritatedly, “There's no one here by that name”
3. I'm a shameless show-off. I use every opportunity to show off, although in dress and appearance I seem to be conservative. The old “lull 'em and then zap 'em” technique.
4. I was once locked up in the school library because I was so engrossed in reading, I didn't hear the bell.
5. My first acting role was that of a female. I played “Sunday's Child” in the First Standard Concert and had to wear my sister's clothes. That's when I learned that girls' jeans buttoned at the side. They don't any more, I know.
6. My second acting role was that of an Elf-gardener. Don't ask me to explain, I hardly remember the play myself. All I can remember very vividly is that the play involved the loss of the King's pocket-knife, which was to be found in his pocket – he having forgotten he was carrying it all the time. On the day of the final performance, the “King” dropped the knife on stage two minutes into the performance and a very helpful gardener (not me) picked it up and handed it back to the King in full view of the audience.
7. My third acting role was that of a female again. I played the Fairy Queen and my old teacher still calls me that when she meets me. The poor dear has no idea what the term has come to mean.
8. When I was working with the Dubai Drama Group, I learned that mothers of English women don't teach them to sit on the floor without showing underwear. It was a pretty happy discovery.
9. I have never held a job for more than three years' running. Whether that's a good thing or not, it's a pretty fun thing.
10. Whenever I tell a girl / woman about my role as Charley's Aunt in the eponymous play, her reaction has been, “What did you do for the boobs?”
11. I miss my Yezdi. I got it for my 21st birthday and had some pretty torrid times with it, including scraping along the street behind it at 60 km. per hour as its crash guard spewed sparks about a metre long. I never changed the crash guard and it bore the signs of macadam scrape to the day I sold it.
12. I became a copywriter by walking into an Ad Agency and asking for the job. Rather, I offered to be one and, to my surprise, was accepted. That's when I learned that you're more likely to be hired if you present yourself as a solution rather than someone in need of a job.
13. When I was in the corporate environment, female subordinates were wont to call me by the name of their husbands / boyfriends. Don't ask me why, but I've been called Unni, Shrikanth and Girish, those names being the ones of the respective significant others of the females addressing me.
14. Whatever I do, I never seem to be able to escape the shenanigans of the MSEB (Maharashtra State Electricity Board) – now the MSEDC. When I was working for a Computer Academy that hadn't paid its bills and was therefore penalised by having its electricity cut off, I had to go and sort matters out. When I was handling the Communication Department of Skyline Communications, the MSEB cut off my electricity because I wasn't home to show the linesman that I had indeed paid the bill. I am currently trying to get them to correct a bill that's based on an erroneous meter reading. This is day 8 of my current fight with them.
15. When I meet Neeta next, I am going to make her suffer for dragging me into this tag business by playing on my sense of fair play.
16. I'm about the most egotistical human being you are ever going to meet. So don't meet me. I'm also anti-social.
17. I get horribly bored with routine. That's one of the reasons I hate this tag, which requires me to post 20 things about myself, one after another. I'd rather post them in reverse order. Perhaps I have.
18. 99.999999% of people have no clue what goes into a theatrical production. Consider being offered a 10 ft x 10 ft. stage and, when you say “Gosh,” being asked, “Too big?” For you Philistines, a 10 ft x 10 ft stage can't even fit a sofa. Where are you going to put the actors and the telephone?
19. Every contemporary comedy has a telephone. Check it out
20. I'm bored with this tag. When do we get to talk about sex?

And I'm supposed to tag others.
So I won't. The tag stops here. Wanna make something of it? Fine, you're tagged.
Deepak

What Colour is My Heart?

Your Heart Is Blue

Love is a doing word for you. You know it's love when you treat each other well. You are a giving lover, but you don't give too much. You expect something in return. Your flirting style: Friendly Your lucky first date: Lunch at an outdoor cafe Your dream lover: Is both generous and selfish What you bring to relationships: Loyalty

What Color Heart Do You Have?

NoNo no more... probably

After writing about 10,000 words I became like a smoker who's trying to quit, snapping at everyone from the dogs to my online friends, so, in the interest of maintaining worldwide peace, I think I shall lay off the NaNo obessiveness.

I'm not sure if I'll quit entirely. I'd like to see how many words I do manage to write by the end of the month and my novel promises to be quite an insight into myself. Unfortunately my characters have stopped doing things on their own and I'm in no mood to goad them on so there has been no fresh writing for the past three days.

Time for Business Idea #0002, I think.

Deepak

R.I.P. Peter Drucker

The man who more or less defined modern management is gone. He remained an active and ardent writer and teacher to the end of his days, testimony to his passion. We shall miss him and the world shall be poorer for the loss of his insights.

Deepak

Dear MSEDC,

You're a Company now. That doesn't necessarily mean, as I overheard one of your office boys explain to a hapless customer, "We're a company now. We won't tolerate non-payment of bills. If you don't pay, we'll cut off your electricity."

What it actually means is that you no longer have slaves dependent upon your whims and fancies, you have customers.

I hope you understand, dear MSEDC, that if you now have the right to demand payment, you also have the responsibility to deliver service that justifies that payment. That service, respected MSEDC, is not limited to switching on power when you wish to and switching it off when things get too hot. It extends to helping your customers when you screw up.

Your agency read my meter wrong, dear MSEDC. As a consequence, I have lost FOUR DAYS in which I could have generated money instead of standing around waiting for the persons concerned to come out of their meetings with the Press and address my problem. Being a company, dear MSEDC, you will appreciate that a person not working does not create wealth. Try and apply that principle to your employees as well. If they don't work, they create no wealth for your company and you then lose your job. You can't, as one of your supervisors did, hide behind the excuse that an apprentice was sent to do a professional's job and therefore screwed up.

You're a Company, dear MSEDC. Behave like one. Or be annihilated.

NB: MSEDC - Maharashtra State Electricity Distribution Company, the erstwhile MSEB, was created with the intention of streamlining power distribution in Maharashtra, eliminating power theft and ensuring a steady supply of electricity. It was felt that a company would function more efficiently than a Board, which had concommitant responsibilities of also ensuring security of tenure of employees (read, if they didn't work, no one could fire them) and social justice.

All I feel is half a day waiting for the Sahibs and the other half waiting for electricity.

Deepak

Aging (Ageing? This UK/US English thing is getting irritating) Rocker

You Are an Emo Rocker!

Expressive and deep, lyrics are really your thing. That doesn't mean you don't rock out... You just rock out with meaning. For you, rock is more about connecting than grandstanding. And I would do anything for love / I'd run right into hell and back (comment by DM)

What Kind of Rocker Are You?

More NaNoWriMo

Sorry folks. Looks like I'll be obsessed with this for a while.

More than doubled my word count to 2,049 today. That brings the total count to 3,062 words in two days.

Only one thing worries me. NaNoWriMo.org says MS-Word bloats the word count. Does that mean I'll have to redouble my redoubled efforts after the 15th?

The novel itself is pure rot and not worth anyone's time to read. I'm okay with that. After all, I don't have to read it till the end of the month. Never thought I'd delight in writing rot, though.

The rot is written.

Deepak

NaNoWriMo

So, I've done another crazy thing. I've signed up for NaNoWriMo, the National November Writing Month.

The idea is to write a full-length novel (50,000 words) between November 1 and 30.

I've reached 1,013 words and the working title of my novel is "The Eyes Have It".

Business Idea #0002 is coming soon, no worries on that score.

Deepak